Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Nobody Annoys Me Like I Annoy Myself

How do you become a drifter? The obvious answer to the question is to say fuck everything and just start being it. There's no training or hidden fees involved. There's no waiting list. There's nobody there to read your resume or who cares what skills you've acquired or how much shit you've learned. You just pack up and go.

Q: Is it REALLY that easy.
A: Maybe.

It depends how willing you are to give up the "progress" you've made in molding yourself into a respectable member of society. If you quit now it's back to square one. You'll leave your home behind, you will essentially leave your friends behind, you will leave the majority of your possessions behind and you'll be leaving a piece of yourself behind. The piece of you that has the intention of doing this or that and proving to he or she that your capable of doing this and that for some fake version of self gratification. If you're Ok with leaving that behind then yes...it is that easy.

This all came about as I was watching a documentary on Bukowski. They didn't expel upon that portion of his life much, but they did make mention of the fact that in his younger days, he spent a generous amount of time just exploring the states. Traveling around seeing the country. And the same went for a lot of prolific characters, namely those involved with the Beats. That was partially what they were all about. It seemed almost a pre-requisite. But what did these people start with? What did they give up?

I don't know. I suppose it doesn't really matter. I suppose that if one were to want that kind of freedom and desire it with a burning passion it wouldn't be a matter of what you were leaving behind but rather why you haven't already walked out the door. And I guess that's where I fail. My fears overpower my desire. I'm too scared to walk into territory in which I'll never be sure of my safety, my wellness or my comfort.

Ideally, I would pack a backpack with clothes, a few books, my guitar and some food. I would sell everything else and throw away what can't be sold. Cancel my utilities and turn off my phone. I'm not sure If I would get rid of my car or not. Because this lifestyle wouldn't last forever. It would last until I figured something out. I guess I'd leave it parked somewhere. Maybe take it to Illinois first and start from there. Although that would require the extra step in trying to explain to my parents what I'm doing and resist their trying to talk me out of it.

But unfortunately I doubt I'll ever go to that extreme. And sadly I have no legitimate reason why I won't. I have nothing holding me back right now other money related issues which can be overcome. There's no person, no job, no nothing that stands and my way and I sit here and pretend that there is.

Nobody annoys me like I annoy myself.

No comments:

Post a Comment